Walking out of church toward God.

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I recently heard a blogger, Glennon Melton, refer to life as “Brutiful” - a mixture of brutal and beautiful. Oh, how I love this expression! She is so right on - that is 100% true. There are moments that fill us up so high that we feel like we could climb the highest mountain and scream with our arms wide open, “I love my life”. There are other moments, however, that make us feel totally defeated. Think of the most brutal battle scene in a movie and picture the soldier (wounded, dirty, exhausted, crawling on the ground). We have all felt life beat us up to that extent.

 If i’m being totally honest the majority of the nights of my life when after I’ve put the kids to bed, cleaned up the tornado of a mess we’ve made in preparation to do it all again tomorrow, and sat on the couch with a long sigh, I feel more like a wounded soldier than a jolly mountain climber.  In our lives, our days here on Earth, we look around and see what everyone else’s lives look like. Let me rephrase-- we see what we think everyone’s lives look like, and it looks something like this.

The put together mom, the successful yet family oriented dad, the smart well behaved little boys and the perfect baby girl. This card is bullshit! This isn’t my life. Yes, that is me in the picture, but no, that’s not really me. That’s not the me that worries that I am failing as a mother and a daughter, that is too tired some nights to have anything left to give my husband, that totally loses my temper and screams, “If I have to ask you to put your socks and shoes on ONE MORE TIME, I just might go crazy, and you don’t want to see what that looks like little mister”.

No one is perfect yet we don’t see that. The preacher gets up on Sunday and teaches us how to live our lives but he never opens the door and shows us his real life, his messy life. He only shows us his Christmas card picture life. Let me push a little harder. What about the blogger? You know the one (there are only a hundred out there just like her). She homeschools, loves the good Lord, cooks only organically grown food from her own garden and sews in her spare time. Her door is closed! I promise there is more to the perfect picture that she is putting out there. See, no one is exempt from the brutality of life.

What if a husband and a wife were to open that door and let people see inside. I mean rip up the Christmas cards and see the pictures of their real, messy life. Here is the real me (the good -what we post on Instagram AND the bad - miscarriages, fights, anxiety, panic attacks, insecurities, it all). What would that look like? I don’t know? Let’s find out. . .