Walking out of church toward God.

My husband's Kryptonite

Oh the ta-da moment. I am called to love him and treat him well EVEN when he doesn't deserve it.

Oh the ta-da moment. I am called to love him and treat him well EVEN when he doesn't deserve it.

Maybe more so when he doesn’t deserve it than when he does. It’s easy to love an easy person, so very hard to love a hard one. Well, shit. That is no fun! To me this right here is the hardest part of being married. Maybe also one of the most important.  The fact is our husbands WILL fail. They will not always do what we want them to, be who we need them to be, say what we want them to say. They will not always treat us all that well either. BUT, isn’t the same exact true for us? We can’t fill them up all the time either. We are not perfect and will screw up. We will fall short. It is just so much harder for us to see and own our own shortcomings. Don’t we all want our husbands to be patient, kind and loving with us when we don’t deserve it?  Okay this is important!! No one likes the cold shoulder. No one likes to be nagged. Important enough to say again - No one likes to be nagged. Everyone deserves some grace - a second chance. Or in the case of marriages, a 88th or 888th chance.

There is the book I read ages ago called Redeeming Love. In it the main character, a women, screws up like over and over and over again. It is a tad frustrating to read. A lent the book to a friend who stopped reading it half way through, and I get that. The other main character, a man who personifies God, forgives her time and time again. You read the book and want to scream at him, “Wise up dude. She’s a loser. She simply can not get itright.

There it is folks- marriage! A lifetime of living with someone who fails (and being someone who fails) and loving and being loved through it. It may very well be the hardest challenge we face.

Don’t take her back again”. So…..clearly we are all that women. We screw up over and over again and if you are Christian you can believe that each and every time Jesus says, “It’s okay. I love you anyway”. There it is folks- marriage! A lifetime of living with someone who fails (and being someone who fails) and loving and being loved through it. It may very well be the hardest challenge we face. Case and point, not too many married people out there who publically share what a delightful picnic their spouse is.

So now, back to my current dilemma, I have this great new outlook on my marriage and my husband and what a sinner I am and the grace I need to dish out and I snuggle up in the bed with the covers because Michael is still at work at 10 PM, and I go to sleep.Next morning (today), I wake up and Michael has left for work already. I get the kids dresses and we go to church. Crazy! The church message this Sunday ties perfectly into this situation. I had the insight before I even went to church- score one for me! Basically the one liner from church was, “When people screw up, deal with them gently”. Now I am feeling really good. After church I spend the day engaging with my children. I send Michael a sweet text for no reason. I am thinking I am such a good mom and wife I can’t even stand it. Michael comes home that night. Hello kids. Sweet kiss on the cheek for the wife and oh no…. It all rushes back. I have been so damn ON as a single mom the last few weeks, and I am totally worn out. Did I mention it is July in Georgia? It is 100 degrees out and I am due with baby #3 in 4 weeks. Rush of emotion, and I go from jolly to pissed in T minus 5 seconds. The set change from white picket fence to ditches, barbed wire and explosives was record quick this time.

Fact is…. I can’t fake it!!! I can listen to a good church message or some great music and get centered but the truth is I simply can’t fake how I feel. If I don’t address this then I am just burying it for another day, another opportunity for WW III. And that’s when I came to the bedroom and started journaling this. Also, that is when I focused on another part of today’s church message, “Deal with them gently”. Don’t be a doormat but also don’t be a bulldozer. Deal with the situation gently. Exactly how I would want him to deal with me if I had screwed up. Would I want him to nag me, guilt me, ignore me? So, that is what I am going to do. We will see how it goes.

Three Questions

1- What is your kryptonite? Go ahead try and think about it for a few minutes. Guess what? Chances are you can’t clearly see it. We can’t clearly see our own dysfunction because we are too close to it. This is soooo true. We can clearly see how everyone else is screwed up, but not yourself! News flash…. You are not God’s gift to the world. You have issues too and even if you know that, you can not see them to the extent that the rest of the world can. This should be helpful in understanding your spouse. He/she is not out to get you, ruin your life and make you miserable. He can’t see himself and his baggage clearly.

2- How do you react to kryptonite? Do you go silent, sweep it under the rug, use guilt, brew and then explode.

3- How could you “deal gently” with your spouse’s kryptonite